Seema, a 13 year old girl , I met at the gym was admittedly pretty overweight. I remember few of my gym partners commenting on how her pants stuck to the butt and bulging thighs, and probably I did pass a smile on their comments, which made me all the more guilty that she, Seema, approached me to share her sadness.
It was a discussion on the amount of butter/ Oil we should have in our meals that started our conversation, and as it progressed I realized, how important the number was.I never monitored my diet but there she was, keeping a tab on everything she eats, remorseful if she ever ate a "prohibited food', and vigorously exercising 7 days a week.
And then I was surprised by her admission- she knew people laughed on her, stared at her 'coz of the extra ounces...she could hear giggles when she crossed a crowd and to my shock, she said even her friends were uncomfortable in public, when with her. "Of course, in a hip party, where all the women are slim and sexy, people turn around and look at me, and my friends feels Weird and embarrassed", she said pretty plainly. May be that was an exaggeration, but friends probably felt weird.
She narrated me several incidences, I felt funny initially coz we had never talked before and I couldn't understand why she was telling me all this, but yeah was feeling good, probably she couldn't tell this to any one around.
I wouldn't claim I could understand how she felt or even made an attempt to feel, but surely knew she was hanging out with wrong people. Its wasn't she who made her friends uncomfortable but it was them who made her feel weird..........I mean do friends even care for the way you look to be with you, to them it shouldn't matter even if the whole god damn world stares at them, coz one of them is FAT. It's better to be without a friend then to be with fakes like them. She definitely should find better friends-She wasn't a self pitying girl and was fighting back her fat. I just contributed a li'l encouragement but I meant it- "do it for yourself/ coz you wanna look good.. Coz you wanna be healthy , not for some acceptance in family/ Friends," and I think she understood.
What was needed now, that people like me and her friends understand, understand the meaning of empathy and make it a little less uncomfortable for sweet souls like Seema.
Tags:obese,obesity,relationship,friendship quiz
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
My Boyfriend doesn't answer my calls
Many of us, play the role of a confidante/ counselor/ adviser every now and then. But I guess, I get to play this role more frequently and largely to unknown strangers.
It started with that athletic girl at the swimming pool. I saw her for the first time at the pool, she was in her 12th standard, pretty cheerful, seemed happy. Our eyes met we said perfunctory 'hi/hello"and next I know she had a "boyfriend" trouble.
The guy was nice/ good but suddenly had stop responding to her phone calls. There didn't seem to be any reason too, she asked him, if something was wrong.. but no, he said, "everything fine, I am just busy/ occupied". The guy was aloof and cold and the lady cried her heart out for so many nights , trying to figure out .. WHAT WENT WRONG??
Hmmm seems like a common problem, when infact, there isn't a problem at all. Guys are made very differently, oh yeah, we all know that but very seldom do we register it-Yes they are different.
The relationship starts, the man, is going to be damn attentive, oh yes he'll be.. he'll listen, he'll call 'coz he's definitely interested.
Then the relationship graduates, you two are comfortable, like being with each other all the time, oh it feels so lovely.
As a girl, you drift more strongly into the relationship, wanting more of it. But not the guy, one fine day, his mind says" oh man..... hold on, just what are you doing? Do you have any clue? Don't you think you are moving too fast? You ain't hanging out with your friends anymore? What are you doing? Where is your old self? I know you like the girl, but should she change so much of you life/ should she have such an impact?? And then amongst this confusion, he tries to break loose, its way too much for him to handle, thats when he "Wont answer your calls".
Though it was hard for her to digest, I guess ultimately she did.
All that was required was some time and space for the guy to figure out, what's just going on. He just needs to believe he's still in control of his life, not much has changed-Call him if you want to, talk to him even if its just for 2 minutes. Let him know you are there, but not to complain/ nag. Be easy on him, give him some space and soon things will fall in place. Thats what I had to say.
I don't know what I told her was right or wrong, after all I knew so little about her/ the guy/ relationships in general, but it worked for her.
She was happy, though it took 10-12 days for her boyfriend to again be the same loving self, he was better than before.
Tags:love quiz, compatibility
It started with that athletic girl at the swimming pool. I saw her for the first time at the pool, she was in her 12th standard, pretty cheerful, seemed happy. Our eyes met we said perfunctory 'hi/hello"and next I know she had a "boyfriend" trouble.
The guy was nice/ good but suddenly had stop responding to her phone calls. There didn't seem to be any reason too, she asked him, if something was wrong.. but no, he said, "everything fine, I am just busy/ occupied". The guy was aloof and cold and the lady cried her heart out for so many nights , trying to figure out .. WHAT WENT WRONG??
Hmmm seems like a common problem, when infact, there isn't a problem at all. Guys are made very differently, oh yeah, we all know that but very seldom do we register it-Yes they are different.
The relationship starts, the man, is going to be damn attentive, oh yes he'll be.. he'll listen, he'll call 'coz he's definitely interested.
Then the relationship graduates, you two are comfortable, like being with each other all the time, oh it feels so lovely.
As a girl, you drift more strongly into the relationship, wanting more of it. But not the guy, one fine day, his mind says" oh man..... hold on, just what are you doing? Do you have any clue? Don't you think you are moving too fast? You ain't hanging out with your friends anymore? What are you doing? Where is your old self? I know you like the girl, but should she change so much of you life/ should she have such an impact?? And then amongst this confusion, he tries to break loose, its way too much for him to handle, thats when he "Wont answer your calls".
Though it was hard for her to digest, I guess ultimately she did.
All that was required was some time and space for the guy to figure out, what's just going on. He just needs to believe he's still in control of his life, not much has changed-Call him if you want to, talk to him even if its just for 2 minutes. Let him know you are there, but not to complain/ nag. Be easy on him, give him some space and soon things will fall in place. Thats what I had to say.
I don't know what I told her was right or wrong, after all I knew so little about her/ the guy/ relationships in general, but it worked for her.
She was happy, though it took 10-12 days for her boyfriend to again be the same loving self, he was better than before.
Tags:love quiz, compatibility
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)